“Peace comes from remembering that only love is real.” ~ Archangel Chamuel (From the Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue.)
So, yesterday I was in a bit of a tizzy. What does that mean? It means I had a rough day, and I let people know about it publicly on my Facebook page. It’s a funny thing because as “The Happy Channel” I know I would not have been able to share my angry post on my website, www.TheHappyChannel.com. Thankfully I had a place to vent. But is that really a good thing?
Venting is a human thing to do. We get attached to things, people, the way stuff needs to look. We judge, criticize, punish. Who suffers the most though? WE do. Our inner child suffers. Our emotional bodies suffer. Our spirit is given no room to soar!
So, I’m going to share with you what it looks like to have a human experience and be infused with spirit along the way.
I recently took on a project that I knew I needed to do. I even asked for it many months prior, and then it was delivered to me, as requested. However, there were signs that it might not be in total alignment with the way I prefer to operate. There was integrity missing in communications, and that does not work for me! Before I even began with this new project, I wondered if it truly was what I needed. What was I getting myself into? Was this going to blow up in my face? But, in my gut, I knew it was still something I needed and wanted to do.
As the project got rolling, everything I feared from the get-go was rearing its ugly head. I had to address the lack of integrity, boundaries were being crossed often and a there was a lack of professionalism towards this new partnership that was created. I had wondered many times, do I leave? Do I walk away from this project? I began second guessing and questioning my own intuitive guidance! What am I doing here? Why am I putting myself through this? I don’t deserve to be treated with such laziness and lack of thought and consideration!
A few things filtrated through my mind during this adventure. Why am I attracting this? If I mirror people and their actions, how am I being with myself that this is what I see? It’s hard to look at oneself when you really don’t like what you see looking back at you. As this thought would come up, I would dismiss it. It’s not me. I’m in integrity. I honor my word. And it’s true. I do, with others, but not with myself. (An AHA moment.)
Yesterday I truly vented. I let Facebook have it! I even made my status “public” so that the Universe would know exactly how I was feeling. I wanted everyone to know that even I, the “Angel”, the “Lightworker”, am human. Even as I was posting my anger I questioned whether or not to actually share such rage because it is SO not me! Well, it is me to some degree, because as human beings we feel and express emotion. It’s what we do and my inner child was kicking and screaming the whole way. My emotional body was spent. The Divine Spirit light within me was flickering, one minute on, then next off. When it was off, the post was published. Now the world knew exactly what I was feeling. ROAR! GRRRR! My claws were out and don’t nobody cross my path unless they wanted to hear the truth!
Even though it felt good to be expressed, it didn’t solve the problem. Why was I angry in the first place? I would much rather be happy than be angry.
I told the Universe, my Angels and guides, “don’t put anyone on my path today who isn’t ready to hear the truth. If asked, I’m going the distance.”
Low and behold, an Angel stepped in on my path and mirrored for me my truest essence. Unconditional love. A dolphin angel came to me and brought me back to who I am; a Divine Spirit of light and love. And dolphins love to play and what’s been missing from my life is PLAY. I work around the clock. I always have something to work on, ideas pop up every moment of every day and if I can get started, I do. I took a quick respite last weekend and as soon as I got back, I was instantly back online working. I told myself over that weekend that I was no longer going to work until burnout, and yet I went right back to it.
So yesterday I had this magnificent healing with an Angel. I released so much. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with a stranger. This stranger was there to help me, guide me and you know what? I was asked and I went the distance. I received the gift.
Now, as amazing as all that was, there was still this small part of me still kicking and screaming. The anger was still there and I went to bed angry. As I was preparing for sleep I asked Jesus, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, how did they do it? It’s really important to me, that as a Spiritual Teacher I am able to be at peace with all different types of people, and I really needed to know and wanted to know the secret! Some of the messages I received were; “See God and the Divine Light in others. See with the eyes of God. Know that everyone is doing the best they can. Be love.”
I asked for many Archangels and Ascended Masters to come to me while sleeping and show me the lessons I needed to learn.
When I woke I recalled a dream where a young man had a bicycle and he was planning on leaving it somewhere. I told him not to leave it, that it would be stolen. He refused to believe that and left it anyway. We left and I was in my head like, “why didn’t he listen to me?” And when we returned, his bike was still there. The frame was there, but the wheels and pedals were missing. He looked at me and said, “you expected the worse, but my bike is still here. Only the wheels and pedals are missing and they can be replaced! I can still ride my bike again!” And he was right. Why did I expect the worse? And more importantly, the frame was intact and everything else could be replaced. Metaphors in dreams are great! ;)
The only reason why I would question the validity of others and their choices is because on some level I feel afraid and scared that their choices will have a negative impact on me. If I do not believe I am safe, then I will be afraid. And fear is what keeps us from living our dreams. (Ha! Literally and figuratively!) The thing is that people are always responding from a personal place. It’s never a personal attack on me. I might be angry at someone, but the real person I’m angry at is myself!
So getting back to my project and the lessons that are being mirrored to me. Where am I not being in integrity? Where am I not honoring my word? Well, I said I would not work ’til burnout, and I’ve done that twice in one week. I said I would get to bed early, and I’ve been up until at least 12 or 1a every night. I said I’d go to the beach and get in the water at least once a week, or more as needed, and it’s been over a week. My inner child needs to play and I keep putting play off too. Why? Because work comes first and people are counting on me. But, which people? If I’m too tired to serve, then how does that help people? How can I be an example of what to do, if I can’t even do it for myself? If my life’s purpose was to show people how to work to the bone, I’ve got that down. But, I’m teaching folks that happiness lives inside of us, it’s our birthright, and so far I’ve only allowed myself to be happy some of the time.
So, I believe my higher self attracted this project and encouraged its continuation so I could learn these extremely valuable life lessons and teach them to others! It has always been, as long as I can remember, that I like to learn the “hard” way. It’s not pretty, and many times I’ve wanted to leave Earth, but I’m here to show you, you too can get through it! You can DO it! ;)
So, I believe that with some rearranging of my schedule, prioritizing ME to get what I need so that I can be who I say I am, that situations will shift and whatever I need will be provided because I’ll be in alignment with myself, my word, my own integrity and what I need to be happy. I also need to forgive myself for any guilt I’ve been carrying as a result of neglecting my inner child and for not showing myself the unconditional love that I often give so freely to others.
I said in my Facebook post yesterday that 2013 is about becoming consciously aware & that “it’s time to wake up people and take responsibility!” This begins with me. I am now aware of the responsibility I have to myself, first and foremost! Lesson learned.
Thanks for letting me share!
‘Til next time, thanks for reading and Happy Dreaming! ;)