Diary.

“You think you know, but you have no idea.”

Remember the MTV show “Diary”? The slogan and tag line that guests said at the beginning was “You think you know, but you have no idea.”

I know exactly what they’re talking about.

People judge me, people judge each other and themselves, constantly. We think we “know” exactly who somebody is by the way they dress, what they eat, where they shop, or even by where they grew up. But that is all BS.

Many people wear masks, to hide their insecurities. If we look good on the outside, no one will know what really happens on the inside. Or even the opposite, some people will diminish their appearance so that no one will mis-judge them, or take advantage of them.

I remember when I was growing up I used to lie about where I was from because I didn’t want to be judged or assumed to have a certain lifestyle just because of the town where I grew up. People judged me anyways. If it wasn’t for one thing, they’d find another.

This still exists today. Nothing has really changed, other than I have become comfortable in my own skin. I know who I am, who I want to be and where I’m headed. I don’t feel I need to hide who I like, what I like or how I like to dress.

When you are secure with who you are, the path you are on and confident in the dreams you have, then you are truly free to be yourself and just BE.

The thing about being comfortable in your own skin is that you start to see who is NOT comfortable in theirs. Jealousy, ego, hate, competition, fear and judgement are all traits in people that you will see, as a result of you living in your own truth.

You can usually spot those people by comments such as:

“You have it so easy.” “You are so lucky.” “I hate you, just kidding.” “You should be careful about what you say and where you go.” “I wish I had your life.” “You can’t have it all, it’s impossible.”

And then there are those who wear a good mask and smile with you, and it’s in what they DON’T say and do, that lets you know they are not on your team. For example, if somebody agrees to do something for you and then doesn’t follow up or honor the agreement, there’s likely an underlying reason. If they never give you a reason why they haven’t honored the agreement, you can be sure they are avoiding you because of some underlying guilt, shame, fear, judgement, ego, whatever, unless they are dead or in the hospital. And even then, it’s possible their fear could have eaten them up inside. (It happens all the time.)

Why am I sharing this with you, especially when I believe we need to focus on the good, happy things in our lives, and place our energy in living our dreams?

It is because even though we do not want to feed more energy into the negative, it is important to know that it’s there.

I used to turn a blind eye to all the negative stuff in the world. I didn’t want to know about it, I didn’t want to feel it in my space, I didn’t want to know that it was happening and I thought that if I focused my energy on what’s “good”, it would all go away. But it hasn’t. People are still fighting wars over EVERYTHING. People think there is lack and limitation in the world, therefore they feel they need to fight for what they believe is theirs, and will hold onto it, even if it kills them. Start to be truthful with the people in your life and you will begin to see people are way more forgiving than you thought or could imagine. You’ll also find out that people are much like you, and may even share a similar journey. So once where there was competition and hate, there could now be camaraderie, understanding, and LOVE.

The thing is, I don’t think people know how to be truthful because they’ve been lying to themselves and others for so long.

I share my stories because I understand life isn’t easy. I openly share what I’ve been going through on my blog and on Facebook so that others know they are not alone. That even as a Spiritual Teacher, who seems to have her ish together, still has battles she needs to overcome in order to live her dreams.

There are many reasons why I started to write this post today. Here are a few…

1. Even though I was recently blessed with an opportunity to be on the radio, it didn’t pan out the way I had hoped, and I chose to end my agreement with full integrity and then some, so that I could have peace of mind. However, some folk are unhappy with my choice and are ego-centricly “projecting.” They are projecting their unhappiness onto another (me), rather than dealing with the source of their unhappiness.

2. I was recently judged (inaccurately) for clothes and accessories I brought into consignment.

3. I had a dream of someone who in this life I consider a friend, but in the dream this person wanted to kill me and was trying very hard to get rid of me. This was also not the first dream where this had been attempted. What I know is that this person has resented me for terminating an agreement because they were unable to provide a service, even though they acknowledged it wasn’t working for them either. And because my success seems apparent in this one area, they wish it was going to be them, sharing in the rewards.

4. Someone entered my home while I was gone without my permission (picked the lock or climbed through a window) and when I confronted this person, though they did not deny or fully admit to it, they acted like it was okay.

5. In the last 2 years I’ve had my credit card and debit cards skimmed and scammed more than once. It was just a few months ago I had to cancel my credit card and this morning someone had the audacity to try and charge over $10K on my debit card. (Though if it went through, they’d be quite disappointed because I don’t have that much in my account.)

All five of these reasons have two things in common, money and ego.
The only reason why anyone would do, feel, say, not say all this is because they feel there is lack in the world. That they won’t have enough to do whatever it is they want to do.

All the people I talk about in these five scenarios are the same. These people do not love themselves. They seek instead for it elsewhere, from other people, or they think it can come from an object: money. For whatever reason, they feel money is the answer to all their problems, and that if they had enough, and got what they needed, then life would be great.
I have found this is the source of almost all problems in the world. If someone has more than another or even feels that of another, you will see the claws come out.

The truth, however, is that what we really want is to be loved. It’s who we are at the CORE. It’s what we all share in common. If we all supported one another, loved one another unconditionally and wanted to see and help everyone be the best they can be and live their dreams, money would no longer be seen as interference, or the road to success. Can you imagine a world where we love ourselves and others so much that that is all that is being reflected back to us, all the time? It is one of my dreams to live in THAT world.
Money is an object, love is a feeling. Start with what is already inside of you, and build on that.

So, the next time you think you know someone, don’t assume and judge. Instead, why not ask questions and take time to get to know them? You might end up with a new friend, or even a lovah! Ha!

‘Til next time, thanks for reading and Happy Dreaming! :)

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